This year will be the first year I celebrate Thanksgiving without either of my step parents, who were inarguably the best cooks on either side of my split family.

Ten years ago I lost my stepdad, who made our Thanksgivings both delicious and fun, with bacon-wrapped everything and a handmade, multiple shot glass board that could handle five chocolate cake shots at once (Frangelico and vodka with a sugar rim and lemon slice.) Once all us kids turned 21, family get togethers became a lot more inebriated. Since there were five kids between Mom and Bill, and eventually in-laws and grandkids, we started having two turkeys at Thanksgiving – one traditional oven-roasted turkey, as well as Bill’s deep-fried turkey, which was always the star. Bill was a creative and fantastic cook who only cared about flavor and didn’t give two gobbles about health. When he died in August of 2015, I was already living out of state, so I didn’t make it for that first Thanksgiving without him, but my mom and everyone knew he’d want them to carry on without him. I don’t know what they ate, but it doesn’t matter because nothing anyone made or bought would have tasted half as good.

In January of this year I lost my stepmother. Whereas Bill knew everything tasted better with bacon, Lisa knew everything tasted better with fat. Why use skim milk when you could be using whole? Why use whole milk when you could be using cream? Why use heart-healthy, flavorless EVOO when you could use creamy, delicious, salted butter? If there was a way to add shrimp, capers, cheese, onions, shallots, or garlic to a dish, Lisa would do it. Everything was always just a little extra with her. I never could tell if she actually enjoyed hosting family get togethers, or if she did it out of obligation because either way she was always super stressed about it. But what I do know is that Lisa loved making people happy. I think that might have been her biggest joy in life – helping other people find their own joy.

Because I’ve been living closer to my mom and her new husband for the last several years, my family has been spending Thanksgiving with her, but earlier this year we moved back to my home state, a two days’ drive away. Now I’m closer to my dad and other members of my family. For the first time in 17 years, my husband and I are hosting Thanksgiving. I am super excited, mainly because 1) I hate driving more than 15 minutes, and 2) I’m a bit of a control freak and I like my corn pudding a certain way, okay?

But really I’m just happy that my family is getting together. Only my pop and one of my brothers is making the almost three hour drive to come stay with us, but I’ll take it. I’ll always miss the big get togethers we used to have, but maybe we’ll make enough friends in our new town that next year we’ll have a Friendsgiving. Or maybe some of my other siblings will come next year. I’ll keep holding out hope.

I miss my stepdad and stepmom so much. Every day. I know divorce is hard for so many people, but I’m really lucky that it wasn’t for me. My parents had an amicable split, and they both remarried really awesome people. I’m really glad I got to have Bill and Lisa in my life for as long as I did. I wish they were still here. I hate that all I have now is memories, but I’m thankful that I at least have those.

I hope you who are reading this have a good Thanksgiving and get to spend it with the people you love. And that either you yourself are a good cook, or someone in your family is. ❤