Neologisms for this day of fools

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Irony, adj. Behaving like a heated, triangle-shaped hunk of metal.

Ostracism, n – the worship of large, flightless birds

Exposition, n. The precise location of a former lover.

Flotilla, n – a naval unit of Mexican flat breads

Protagonist, n. A person who supports the labeling of garments.

Verb Tense, n. pl. What authors pack when they want to spend time in the woods.

Contemplate, n – an easy way to format your own inmate

Decoy, v – to cease all flirting once you realize your Tinder match is actually your boss

Dilapidate, v – when your night on the town falls apart piece by piece

Worcestershire, n – where all the tasty little marinated Hobbits live

Rankle, n – the smelly part of your leg between your shin and foot

Rehearse, v – the action taken when a coffin falls out the back of a car

Sarcasm, n – the vast amount of space between what the speaker said and what she actually meant

Stalemate, n – a friend who has reached his expiration date

Malapropism, n. A mental condition in which the patient believes themselves to be a wicked object used on the set of a play or movie.

Capable, adj – empowered with the ability to wear a short, sleeveless cloak

Commodious, adj – describes the pleasantly tuneful sound of a toilet flushing

Syntax, n. The amount you feel you ought to put in the collection plate after what you did last night.