Tag: Humor
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Live, Learn, & Learn to Live with Disappointment
What goes up must come down.
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To be…or not to be…crude
They always say to be yourself…but what if you’re a foul-mouthed pirate?
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It’s Tradition
Lila yanked on the handbrake of her 2001 Pontiac Sunfire, and very nearly got the car to stop before she tapped the bumper of the Mercedes SLS. Todd gasped, but Lila merely rolled her eyes. “Whatever. It’s my sister’s car.” “Have you ever thought about maybe getting your breaks fixed?” Todd said, cradling the wine…
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A Slight Tickle
In honor of Halloween this year, I thought I’d share a horror story with you. Well, it was horrific to me, but it may be funny to some of you. When I was 16, I got a job as a lifeguard. One day while I was up in the stands, my boss brought some pizzas…
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Neologisms for this day of fools
Irony, adj. Behaving like a heated, triangle-shaped hunk of metal. Ostracism, n – the worship of large, flightless birds Exposition, n. The precise location of a former lover. Flotilla, n – a naval unit of Mexican flat breads Protagonist, n. A person who supports the labeling of garments. Verb Tense, n. pl. What authors pack when they want to…
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Globophobia
Nigel says I owe him a car, but I say he owes me a haircut, and we’re at an impasse again. “I’m not buying you a car,” I tell him as I set another round on the table. “I didn’t say you had to buy me a car,” he protests. “Just rent one, or let…
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Little White Lies
Craig suppressed a gag as Martha set the plate of broccoli casserole, her “specialty,” in front of him. “I made your favorite,” she smiled. “And there’s plenty more in the kitchen.” “You shouldn’t have,” he said, subtly leaning to the side so as to avoid the hot aroma wafting up. “It’s no trouble,” she replied,…
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Quarantining Together
Sylvia leaned over the arm of the couch and stretched. “Oh my god, you guys, I am so hungover today. Like, seriously, I was up ALL night. That party was banging.” She licked her lips and smiled smugly. “For real – everyone was there.” “Yeah, we could hear,” Olevander grumbled from where he lay stretched…
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Time Travel Bingo
On this particular Tuesday, Time Travelers Inc. had sent one of their lawyers, Maxwell Bishop, to an arbitration meeting. Joining him in the rented room was fellow arbitrator Milquetoast Foireè, and the offended party, a pink-haired, foul-mouthed 81-year old named Mrs. Sprightly. Three seconds ago, there had been a miscommunication, and now Foireè said, “I…
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Earth X
By the time the Universe ended (again), the planet Earth had already been blown up by its own star for almost half a billion years. Those who worked in the Earth Department, considered seasonal employees, were always terribly bored as they waited tables or worked retail jobs for the 500 million-ish years it took for…
Kate the Writer 