Little White Lies

Photo by bongkarn thanyakij on Craig suppressed a gag as Martha set the plate of broccoli casserole, her “specialty,” in front of him. “I made your favorite,” she smiled. “And there’s plenty more in the kitchen.” “You shouldn’t have,” he said, subtly leaning to the side so as to avoid the hot aroma wafting… Continue reading Little White Lies

Recipe for Potentially Vegan Kolaches

Photo by Skitterphoto on Kolaches are sweet rolls filled with savory stuff AND I DON'T CARE WHAT ANY CZECH SAYS. If you fill them with sweet stuff, they're "sweet kolaches." If you fill them with sausage, they're just "kolaches." I say “potentially vegan” because what they’re filled with depends on your preferences. I AM… Continue reading Recipe for Potentially Vegan Kolaches

Till Death do We Part

Photo by on Charles Hannigan raised his wine glass, silently toasted his wife, then slurped down all six ounces of merlot. His blond moustache was the purple of children’s toothpaste when he lowered his glass. Julia Hannigan took one look and rolled her eyes as she angled herself away from him. “Really, Charles?”… Continue reading Till Death do We Part

Quarantining Together

Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Sylvia leaned over the arm of the couch and stretched. “Oh my god, you guys, I am so hungover today. Like, seriously, I was up ALL night. That party was banging.” She licked her lips and smiled smugly. “For real - everyone was there.” “Yeah, we could hear,” Olevander… Continue reading Quarantining Together

Time Travel Bingo

Photo by on On this particular Tuesday, Time Travelers Inc. had sent one of their lawyers, Maxwell Bishop, to an arbitration meeting. Joining him in the rented room was fellow arbitrator Milquetoast Foireè, and the offended party, a pink-haired, foul-mouthed 81-year old named Mrs. Sprightly. Three seconds ago, there had been a miscommunication,… Continue reading Time Travel Bingo

Christmas Eve Solo

Photo by Kristina Paukshtite on It’s the night before Christmas and all through my house,Everyone’s sleeping, including my spouse.The stockings are hung but I gotta wrap shit,So just like this tree, I’m about to get lit. The kids passed out only an hour agoTime for me to play Santa: Ho-mother-fuckin-ho.Grab the scissors, the tape,… Continue reading Christmas Eve Solo


Photo by Dominika Roseclay on Twinkly lightsAnd candy canesBlack Friday shoppers gone insaneSanta’s comingHo Ho Ho!Gatlinburg’s phony snowExtra presents“Just in case”Like nose-hair trimmers in a travel caseOr plaid potholdersFrom the dollar store(I would’ve tried harder, if I liked you more)Christmas cardsFrom distant relationsNo one RSVP’d toMy invitations100-dollar Christmas treesHarry & David salami and cheese16… Continue reading Christmas

A Marvelous Time

Photo by Inga Seliverstova on “I’m hosting a party, December the 9th,At exactly a quarter to eight.I’ll have oysters, fois gras, and of course caviar,It’s black tie, so please don’t be late.” Such simple instructions, printed so clearly,On the invites I sent out last week.Show up, have some food, drink some wine, have a… Continue reading A Marvelous Time