Photo by bongkarn thanyakij on Pexels.com Craig suppressed a gag as Martha set the plate of broccoli casserole, her “specialty,” in front of him. “I made your favorite,” she smiled. “And there’s plenty more in the kitchen.” “You shouldn’t have,” he said, subtly leaning to the side so as to avoid the hot aroma wafting… Continue reading Little White Lies
Tag: Humor
Recipe for Potentially Vegan Kolaches
Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com Kolaches are sweet rolls filled with savory stuff AND I DON'T CARE WHAT ANY CZECH SAYS. If you fill them with sweet stuff, they're "sweet kolaches." If you fill them with sausage, they're just "kolaches." I say “potentially vegan” because what they’re filled with depends on your preferences. I AM… Continue reading Recipe for Potentially Vegan Kolaches
Till Death do We Part
Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com Charles Hannigan raised his wine glass, silently toasted his wife, then slurped down all six ounces of merlot. His blond moustache was the purple of children’s toothpaste when he lowered his glass. Julia Hannigan took one look and rolled her eyes as she angled herself away from him. “Really, Charles?”… Continue reading Till Death do We Part
Quarantining Together
Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com Sylvia leaned over the arm of the couch and stretched. “Oh my god, you guys, I am so hungover today. Like, seriously, I was up ALL night. That party was banging.” She licked her lips and smiled smugly. “For real - everyone was there.” “Yeah, we could hear,” Olevander… Continue reading Quarantining Together
Time Travel Bingo
Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com On this particular Tuesday, Time Travelers Inc. had sent one of their lawyers, Maxwell Bishop, to an arbitration meeting. Joining him in the rented room was fellow arbitrator Milquetoast Foireè, and the offended party, a pink-haired, foul-mouthed 81-year old named Mrs. Sprightly. Three seconds ago, there had been a miscommunication,… Continue reading Time Travel Bingo
Earth X
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com By the time the Universe ended (again), the planet Earth had already been blown up by its own star for almost half a billion years. Those who worked in the Earth Department, considered seasonal employees, were always terribly bored as they waited tables or worked retail jobs for the 500… Continue reading Earth X
Christmas Eve Solo
Photo by Kristina Paukshtite on Pexels.com It’s the night before Christmas and all through my house,Everyone’s sleeping, including my spouse.The stockings are hung but I gotta wrap shit,So just like this tree, I’m about to get lit. The kids passed out only an hour agoTime for me to play Santa: Ho-mother-fuckin-ho.Grab the scissors, the tape,… Continue reading Christmas Eve Solo
Christmas
Photo by Dominika Roseclay on Pexels.com Twinkly lightsAnd candy canesBlack Friday shoppers gone insaneSanta’s comingHo Ho Ho!Gatlinburg’s phony snowExtra presents“Just in case”Like nose-hair trimmers in a travel caseOr plaid potholdersFrom the dollar store(I would’ve tried harder, if I liked you more)Christmas cardsFrom distant relationsNo one RSVP’d toMy invitations100-dollar Christmas treesHarry & David salami and cheese16… Continue reading Christmas
A Marvelous Time
Photo by Inga Seliverstova on Pexels.com “I’m hosting a party, December the 9th,At exactly a quarter to eight.I’ll have oysters, fois gras, and of course caviar,It’s black tie, so please don’t be late.” Such simple instructions, printed so clearly,On the invites I sent out last week.Show up, have some food, drink some wine, have a… Continue reading A Marvelous Time
The Mall Santa Blues
Photo by Salah Alawadhi on Pexels.com Son, I know your mama said she was just going to popOver there for a second into that shop,But unless I can find that worthless mall cop,It looks like you’re stuck with me for a while. But Santa don’t get paid for babysittingAnd it’s 6 o’clock – time for… Continue reading The Mall Santa Blues
